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Award and wedding thoughts

I was given the sugar doll award by No Signposts in the Sea – thanks! I think I was also given one ages ago by Intrinsically Florrie, but can find no evidence of it now. Maybe I made it up! Anyway, the award comes with a ‘tell us ten things about yourself’ meme, and what I’ve decided to us it to bombard you with my half-formed thoughts about the wedding. I promise I won’t bore you with this kind of thing too much, but I reckon since I’m newly engaged I’m allowed.

sugar doll award
1. We have a ring! Well, we don’t have it yet, because we are having it made and it’ll not be there for three to four weeks. It’s a slightly narrower version on an existing ring, so that we could stay within budget, and it’s lovely! A square diamond, thick band, classic AND contemporary. I don’t have any pictures even of the original one, but it’s from Annie Smith, a small independent jewellers.

2. We are going to actually get married on a Friday, with just close family. I don’t really want lots of people watching me say my vows, and I don’t want lots of poems read and stuff. Ten minutes at the registry office is fine with me!

3. Then we can just have our reception on the Saturday, and I can have a nice lie in and still have time to prepare. I always think these full days with the ceremony in the morning must be so stressful for the wedding couple. I’m not sure I can focus for 12 hours straight! I’m still alternately excited and scared of the process of organising such a big party, so it’s probably as much as I can handle.

4. We are not at all clear how we want the reception to be. Either a vintage 1950s theme or something really colourful with children’s birthday party decorations and lovehearts or smarties as favours. It will sort of depend on what venue we find.

5. What we do know though is that it will be buffet food and people can sit where they want. Life’s too short for seating plans!

6. Dave will be wearing his kilt, so I need a fairly formal dress for the party. I’m going to be looking for something vintage 1950s like the ones in this etsy shop, and my fallback option is this Vivien of Holloway dress. I’m open to either colour or white. Either way, I don’t want a proper wedding dress, I want something I can wear again and I don’t want to spend more than £200.

7. I’m sort of toying with the idea of a second dress for the actual ceremony – I’m thinking something like the vintage suit Carrie has in the Sex and the City film. Though again not necessarily white.

8. The obvious choice of music is to have a ceilidh band. I love ceilidhs but unfortunately Dave doesn’t and is vetoing that idea, and it’s probably not a great idea anyway because my German family will never have seen anything like it. And while the steps are easy enough to pick up, for ceilidhs to work properly you need at least 50% of people to know what they are doing. And we wouldn’t have that.

9. I have made some tentative forays into the world of wedding inspiration, but I am slightly freaked out by what is happening on all these message boards. Do people really dedicate an entire year of their lives to micromanaging every last detail of a single day? Maybe I’ll end up like that too (I do tend to get quite obsessive about organising events), but I’m hoping for everybody’s sake that I won’t! Also, all the websites are called something with the word bride in it, like the grooms get no say in the planning at all!

10. We have always said we’d go to Sri Lanka for our honeymoon, but I’m not sure whether the political situation will allow that – the Foreign Office is currently still advising against travel there. We’ll probably end up just going to the South of France or somewhere, and save the big trip til later.

I’m gonna be lazy and not nominate anyone for the award, but please help yourself if you fancy the meme.

picture by Builders Studio.

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • ambika 28 March 2010, 5:31 pm

    How did I miss your engagement?! How exciting! Congrats!

  • Maven 28 March 2010, 10:06 pm

    Having just gone through this last year, I must say that nothing stressed me out more than looking at wedding blogs or websites, even though I only ever looked briefly to get ideas here and there. You're right, there were hardly any examples of couples doing planning together–or if they were, only the women were reporting on it (at least in hetero couples). (And sadly, I have to say that my husband was not much help until I specifically asked him to be.)

    And though everything turned out beautifully, I have to admit that planning was a bit of a drag simply because there are a lot of details about event organizing that just aren't interesting to me. Fortunately I had a ton of help from friends, and we absolutely could not have done the actual day without them.–and that was sort of the point of the whole event, to have all the people we love participating and witnessing.

    Pics on flickr if you're interested.

  • La Historiadora de Moda 29 March 2010, 2:14 am

    I had a very simple wedding (courthouse and then reception with about 30 people at our home). We had been planning a larger wedding, but for a variety of reasons it just made sense to do it sooner and smaller. There are a few pictures here: http://fashionableacademics.blogspot.com/2010/01/fashionable-academics-wedding.html

    I love that Vivien of Holloway dress!

  • Andi B. Goode 29 March 2010, 4:19 am

    Hehe, I love the robot bride and groom!
    -Andi x

  • katrina 29 March 2010, 5:11 am

    congratulations on your engagement, Franca!

  • Make Do Style 29 March 2010, 8:50 am

    ditto – how did I miss your engagement news too! Congratulations and yes keep it simple and as low cost as possible! Sounds delightful. We went to Rome on our honeymoon on the basis we could easily pop back at any time xxx

  • Chelsea 29 March 2010, 2:09 pm

    So many people, brides especially, get SO freaked out about how important a wedding is. They seem to forget that it is supposed to be a big old party. That is how I viewed it. We had a judge, our ceremony lasted 5 minutes, we walked down the aisle to Joey Ramone and we danced in the grass while drinking champagne and cheep beer. Try not to stress! Buffets are the way to go, lots of options, informal seating. And ask anyone who wants to be a part of your day to do so. My aunts and mother-in-law and friends mothers were almost begging to make salads for our salad table. Took the pressure off my mum, she only ended up making two. My friends made all the decorations, the photos were done by friends and were free, etc. People want to help! Most brides do not let others help though, because they have a very clear view of what their big day should be. They need everything perfectly their way. Just let it flow, have vague ideas and go with what is out there. My basic plans were: outdoor wedding, pretty dress, really good cake, pink. That is all.
    I suggest that you look into Martha Weddings, lots of cute home made type ideas. It was the only wedding magazine I could put up with. Also you could check out offbeat or anti bride blogs. They can be good for ideas and maybe some comradeship with the not bridezilla types.

  • Rad_in_Broolyn 31 March 2010, 6:23 am

    Hey, I love your blog and I also recently got married. Like many others, it was pretty low key but I did stress about it more than I wished. We had a modest budget and I generally ignored any thing that brides are told that they "must do". We stayed very true to what we wanted (the church was a parental compromise), and we were uber happy with everything in the end. Our (small number of) guests raved about it.
    There are some photos and explanations on my blog. http://cohabitatingcloset.blogspot.com/2010/03/wedding4-originally-uploaded-by.html

    Good luck planning!

  • Anonymous 31 March 2010, 5:31 pm

    Congratulations on the engagement, Franca. I've been reading your blog for a while now and never managed to post a comment. But I wanted to let you know that your thoughts on the wedding really resonated with me. My husband and I were conflicted for a long time about having a wedding, because, while we were attracted to the idea of the celebration, we enjoyed neither the thought of organizing it nor the attention it would bring us. When we finally did decide to do it, we gave ourselves a week to find someone to marry us (a court wedding was, unfortunately, not an option where we live) and round up our friends. We held the wedding in our own back yard on a Sunday afternoon, and wile I set things up, my husband cooked our favourite buffet-style foods for our party of 12 or so. We bought almost nothing for the wedding, except for the food, some flowers for decorating, the rings, and one new shirt each (everything else was remixed from our closets, and the new shirts went right into regular rotation, providing fond memories every time we pull them out). My flowers were a gift from one our our friends, another provided the music, and several others took pictures. Spending almost nothing on the wedding itself allowed us to donate some money to a charity instead, something we both find we don't do enough.

    Because of the ad-hoc nature of the event, we also didn't have our families present. This was a little sad initially, but in retrospect it eased things considerably. (We did make sure to celebrate separately with them, however, so they are not still mad at us.) And this is, I think, why I remember the whole experience fondly: it was probably one of the lowest-stress events I've ever organized or attended. Which is only a long way of saying that I also don't think the stress is worth it, although, as you have pointed out, there is a whole wedding culture out there telling us we're wrong.

  • Rebecca 31 March 2010, 7:25 pm

    Ooh, fun!!! Yes, keep it as simple as you can. I think when people spend an entire year planning an intricate ceremony, they're really setting themselves up for disappointment (having a nice life together after the wedding is what counts, not having a stressful "perfect day").

    My wedding was really small (mostly family), really short and sweet, and then we just sort of had a small buffet of snacks. Love your idea of having a reception the next day! Sounds like a good, relaxed plan. 🙂