The text for this post was going to be about my day when I wore this. About how I’d had plans to get dressed up, but then ended up being still hungover and in my pyamas at 3pm and about the thought of wrestling with tights just being a step too far, and how I picked whatever was in my ‘already worn’ pile, but how I then discovered that the combination actually looked pretty nice with all the volume, and the trousers like a maxi skirt. And how that persuaded me to take pictures even in the rain. And how those trousers are 15 years old and still going, and proof that there was a time when h&m sold things not made of tissue paper.
But then I checked my email, and an email from IFB caught my eye which had an interview with a girl from Get Off My Internets in it, so I clicked through, and through again to the actual GOMI site. I’d been on there before, not a huge amount, but people have told me about specific posts, and one time a commenter linked (in a nice way) to my ‘why I will never be a professional fashion blogger‘ post from something about accepting too much free shit, and so I followed the trail from all the traffic I was getting. So it wasn’t as if I wasn’t aware, it had just never really appealed to me so I didn’t linger.
But this time, I got sucked in. I spent a good hour and a half clicking through the archives and I discovered all this stuff. Mostly, I thought the writers calling people out on their ludicrous behavior seemed justified (choice posts: the Man Repeller pretended to be single for a year and a half while actually in the process of getting engaged! Jessica Quirk really really hates poor and fat people and does not care who knows it!). It was often very funny and it’s not as if they just randomly have a go at people, it’s all based on things people wrote or did on their blogs, with lots of quotes and screenshots backing everything up. I definitely have no problem with GOMI’s existence.
But the thing is, after bingeing on stories of bad blogger behavior, I was completely paralysed. I actually could not bring myself to write anything. I just kept seeing myself through the lens of a GOMI post and thinking how ridiculous what I was doing was. What was I doing posting these terrible photos that I’d failed to improve with editing and so just shoved a filter over? Who the hell cares about my hangovers, or trousers I bought when I was 16? Who actually cares about anything?
I had a complete existential blogger crisis. Which has never happened to me before. I’ve felt caught in a vortex of unwanted competition and pressure to comment in the past, I’ve been stressed with trying to keep up quality posts. But I had never before actually questioned the validity of what I was doing. I’m definitely not one of those bloggers that wants to make a career out of it, and I don’t think it’s a revolution of democratic bottom up style power. But it’s always seemed to me to be a fair enough thing to do with your time, and a rewarding experience. And it’s always been something creative I’ve done mainly for myself and not for external validation. I’m not trying to grow grow grow I’m usually totally fine with criticism, and actually welcome it if it’s constructive, rational and respectful. So why a load of bitching about other people sent me into such a state I really don’t know.
Has this ever happened to you?
Outfit stats: * liberty fabric blouse – vintage shop * trousers – h&m, circa 1998 * bag – gift, camvbridge satchel company * shoes – clarks * jacket – promod * cowl – I made it * brollie – hema *