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A pity party, basically

Sewing meetup

Right so, I wasn’t sure if I should write this post cos it’s essentially just a giant moan and who needs that, but on the other hand, it’s a bit weird to keep posting these pictures of me wearing nice clothes and smiling (and seriously, how organised am I to take a picture for every pregnancy week? I’m sure I didn’t manage this last time, but then I was blogging more about other things which I don’t have the time for now. Anyway, back to the sentence) without mentioning that I mostly feel like utter crap. I really do.

It’s so bizarre, over the last few months (less so last few weeks) so many people have told me how good and healthy I look. The word ‘glowing’ was bandied about with alarming regularity. I know everyone says that to pregnant women, but it has been happening a lot, much more than last time. And it’s sort of true as well, or at least my hair looks better than it has done in ages. But at the same time I have been so uncomfortable for such a long time and it’s getting worse and worse to the point where for the last month and a half I’ve been in constant low level pain (the high level pain is still temporary, thank goodness) and am pretty much immobile now. I get leg cramps a lot, and heartburn, but the main thing is the pelvic girdle pain, which isn’t like any pain I’ve ever had before and is pretty difficult to understand unless you’ve had it yourself, I think. And then this weekend I got a cold and ended up feeling really flu like and weak on top of it, which was fantastic of course.

If it was just me I would just lie in bed all day but of course it isn’t. And poor Milo doesn’t totally understand why I can’t run after him any more, or pick him up for any length of time, or crouch down (although he does seem to more now compared to a couple of months ago). Of course I do still do these things occassionally, because sometimes it’s that or end up with a wailing child, but I really shouldn’t and always end up paying for it with lots of pain. The other day I was late for an appointment and ran a short distance for the bus and a few hours later I could literally not move. Dave has actually been taking half days on Fridays (the day I have Milo on my own) these last couple of weeks, so I can lie down. I hate being the rubbish parent though, the one that can’t do anything. I’ve generally been alright at dealing with tantrums (I think) but am finding it increasingly hard to keep my cool and not raise my voice. A few times I have ended up sitting on the bathroom floor in tears after Milo refused to get dressed or whatever and I was in so much pain from running after him and picking him up and crouching down. Which I think is completely bewildering for him.

I am well aware I should stop complaining because people have much worse pregnancies with much more serious health problems than pain that ultimately doesn’t do any harm. I guess I’ve just been spoilt by having been healthy and fit and able to move as much as I wanted before. My new state certainly makes me appreciate the difficulties faced by people with chronic pain conditions. Because that balance between keeping active to not let things deteriorate and not overdoing it is really bloody difficult to get right. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone from too active (we had a step challenge at work and I did 830,000 steps in 8 weeks, which is a lot, considering the state I’ve been in) to too sedentary (since that step challenge finished, I’ve taken off my fitbit and have started driving at any opportunity). The only saving grace to all of this is that at least I am actually near the end now, so hopefully I’ll manage to maintain some level of stamina for the birth. Because of course I am slightly freaking out about the birth now. I had a pretty short and straightforward labour with Milo so I haven’t been too worried about it, because second labours are generally faster, but this baby is clearly a lot bigger and I can’t crouch or lift my legs or anything, so how is that gonna work?

So yeah, not sure where I was going with this, so I’ll just leave it here. I just thought I should mention it in the interest of real life blah blah blah

Random photo from the sewing day at the stitchery

Comments on this entry are closed.

  • Maria 1 June 2015, 12:29 pm

    I should start by saying I haven’t had any children, so I can’t relate directly to this however…
    Although it’s great that you try to take perspective from the fact that others may have worse situations, that doesn’t mean you are not allowed to complain about yours! And it is very difficult to go from being mostly 100% fit and health to anything else, even if it is temporary. The adjustment is difficult, and in your case more difficult because you have Milo to run around after.
    I guess what I’m trying to say is don’t be too hard on yourself. You know this is for a limited time period only, hold on to that, and take it easy and make the most of your support network (half day Fridays Dave sounds excellent) until then.
    Oh and you are NOT being a rubbish parent. You are still there for Milo even if you can’t chase him as much as you used to, and he is young and it is only for a short period of time – he won’t be traumatised by it.
    Maybe others with experience of pregnancy can add more directly useful advice 🙂

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:30 pm

      Thanks for your message! I didn’t really mean I was a rubbish parent, I know I’m not, just the rubbish(er) parent. For a while if there was something Milo wanted I couldn’t do, he would run off to Dave and go ‘papa do it’, and it’s hard not to feel a bit left out!

  • Deborah 1 June 2015, 1:42 pm

    Hello, so sorry to hear u have been having problems with PGP. I don’t know if you read but I’ve also had some problems. At its worst I couldn’t walk down the street without lots of pain and crying. I’ve been very lucky as mine has gotten more managable but I wanted to say you’re not alone, as I know this helped me a lot. I won’t give any advice, as I’m sure you’ve researched the heck out of it but I definitely recommend the physio, they’ve really helped me. I hope you feel better soon, and if u ever want to chat please give me a bell.

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:27 pm

      Oh no, I missed that! That’s a shame you started getting it so early, but good it’s improved! I did see the physio, but I didn’t find them massively useful. I had been hoping they’d give me some exercises to build up strength, but it was all stuff I was going anyway, and them main message was about all the stuff you shouldn’t do. I do wonder if I could have delayed it getting as bad as it has if I’d stopped all the crouching and carrying and running after Milo earlier than I have, but it’s hard to stop yourself when you can still just about manage.

  • Sarah 1 June 2015, 2:34 pm

    Hi, I can really empathise with you. I had severe pelvic girdle pain from 6 weeks with my first baby and around 3 weeks with my second ( I actually realised I was pregnant again because the pain had returned!). With my second pregnancy I had to stop working at 24 weeks as I couldn’t walk without crutches. I too felt awful for my little boy who couldn’t understand why mummy had to lie down so much. My son is now almost 6 and doesn’t remember my pregnancy at all. I know that you will feel awful at the moment but it will pass! You and your baby are the most important people just now so do whatever you need to get through it and know that you are not alone! Best wishes.

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:18 pm

      Oh man, that sounds awful. At least with me it didn’t start being that bad til the third trimester. Thanks for your comment!

  • Kerry 1 June 2015, 3:24 pm

    That sounds miserable, you poor thing. You won’t have long to go now though, and you’re not being rubbish, you physically have no choice about how mobile you can be. Try not to worry about the labour either – I’ve heard 2nd time around is usually much easier too and I had a 9lb 5 oz baby first time around. If I ever had another one goodness knows how big they would be! xx
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    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:17 pm

      Oh my goodness, that’s big! Milo was 7 something (I can’t remember cos the pounds thing doesn’t mean much to me – 3.2 kg anyway), on the small side!

  • knitlass 1 June 2015, 4:07 pm

    Poor you – being heavily pregnant is really not. much. fun – particularly if you have pelvic girdle pain.. Have you seen a physio/talked to your MW/moaned at yoga? I got heartburn a lot too. So, I sympathise on that one.

    Good news – it will all be over soon! Don’t worry about the labour – I had a much bigger third baby and he just popped out 😉 your body has done it before, so everything is a bit more stretchy IYKWIM. If it was straight forward last time, no reason to think this one will not be. Did you try labouring in water last time? All of mine were born in water, and that really helped me get into comfy positions for labour/birth. I know the birthing centre has got pools (yay!) or you could just stay at home 😉
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    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:14 pm

      I did see the physio, though didn’t find them much use, they just gave me exercises I was doing already because of the yoga. I am totally with you on the water! Milo was actually a water birth. We hadn’t necessarily planned that, but the water made it so much easier, there was no way I was getting out at any point! The apparently do have pools now in some of the hospital rooms, so even if something goes wrong and I end up not being allowed in the birth centre, I will still ask for that, definitely!

  • Naomi 1 June 2015, 5:23 pm

    Ach je… Ich hab natürlich selber keinerlei Schwangerschaftserfahrung, aber ich erinnere mich, dass meine Mutter in der Schwangerschaft mit meiner jüngsten Schwester die letzten 3-4 Wochen einen eingeklemmten Ischias-Nerv hatte und sich so gut wie gar nicht und wenn, dann nur unter sehr großen Schmerzen bewegen konnte. Es war damals ein riesen Glück, dass die Omas abwechselnd für eine Woche kommen und einspringen konnten, außerdem hat die Nachbarin viel geholfen hat und ich erinnere mich, dass ich in den Wochen nachmittags häufiger bei Freundinnen war, als sonst – allerdings waren ich und meine andere Schwester da auch schon eine ganze Ecke älter als Milo (9 u. 5). Aber vielleicht gibt es noch andere zusätzliche Hilfe, die du dir holen kannst?
    Ansonsten denke ich nicht, dass man nicht jammern sollte, nur weil es anderen noch schlechter geht. Sicherlich ist es wichtig, das im Hinterkopf zu behalten, von wegen Perspektive usw., aber ich glaube, stilles Leiden ist nur sehr bedingt sinnvoll, von daher darf (oder sollte?) man sich ruhig beklagen, wenn es einem nicht gut geht. Außerdem leistest du ja gerade auch ganz schön was – wenn auch nicht in Form von Schritt-Wettbewerben, sondern eben auf andere Art und Weise, die sich vielleicht ein bisschen weniger aktiv anfühlt, aber vom Resultat her 830.000 Schritten in 8 Wochen – bei aller Bewunderung dafür 😉 – am Ende vermutlich blass aussehen lässt. Und so fordert euer Picobee-Baby vielleicht momentan ein bisschen mehr deiner Kraft und Energie, körperlich und mental, die dir dann für Milo fehlt. Allerdings ist mein Eindruck durchs Mitlesen hier immer wieder der, dass Milo es mit euch als Eltern ziemlich gut getroffen hat. Und so glaube ich auch, dass das langfristig viel bedeutsamer ist, als eine relativ überschaubare “Krisenzeit”, in der du vielleicht das Gefühl hast, ihm nicht richtig gerecht zu werden (so hatte ich das jedenfalls aus deinem Post heraus gelesen).
    Ich drück dir in jedem Falle die Daumen, dass du die letzten Wochen noch so gut wie möglich überstehst – halt die Ohren steif, ich bin sicher, das wird alles!
    Liebe Grüße, Naomi

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:10 pm

      Oh Du, keine Angst, still gelitten habe ich nicht, ich habe das schon jedem erzaehlt, der mich gefragt hat wie’s mir geht, nur auf dem blog eben nicht! Dave’s Mutter kommt morgen um uns zu helfen, und meine Eltern eine Woche vor dem Geburtstermin, also das schlimmste ist jetzt schon vorbei!

  • Ana 1 June 2015, 6:31 pm

    Hi. I don’t usually comment but I had to say that you are not alone! I had a pretty bad second pregnancy and was was pretty much immobile for the last month of it (I had really bad varicose veins and was not able to stand for long periods, I did everything I could sitting down with one leg up, even cooking dinner). For the last few weeks I didn’t go anywhere unless it was by car. And I also had a very lively 20 month old girl to take care of. It was not fun and I was miserable and couldn’t wait to be done with it. Even though my labour was longer then with the first one, it was so much easier and the baby was a whole 900g heavier then his “big” sister.
    My point is, feel free to moan, you have the right to do it. Being pregnant is tough even when you’re feeling your best!
    It will all be over soon. Oh ya, but then you’ll have a baby and a toddler to take care of 🙂
    I was told it gets easier when they turn 4. Mine are 3 and 1. Almost there 😉

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:03 pm

      Oh that sounds horrible! Glad it all worked out!

      And I was told it get’s easier at 3 😉

  • Helen 1 June 2015, 8:09 pm

    Oh Franca, poor you. It sounds pretty hideous. I really loved being pregnant the first time around, and while my second was nothing like yours, I was so disappointed to find I didn’t feel the same second time. I can’t comment on second time around labour, as I had a planned section, but generally I’ve heard it’s much quicker. Why not talk it over with your midwife, if possible?

    I would say you are right to take it as easy as you can. I know it’s not easy to do so, but try to. Are you finishing work soon? That will help with the pain/mobility/exhaustion too. And, sorry if this sounds flippant, but at least you know you are on a countdown for it to end. Some consolation, at least.


    • Franca 6 June 2015, 8:01 pm

      Yeah, I finished work on Thursday (I hope the commenting system dates the comments!) and I do feel better already. I wouldn’t say I loved being pregnant last time, I do remember being pretty sick of it near the end then as well.but it was definitely a lot easier! There was also the excitement factor of it all being new last time, whereas now I just want to get it over with! I did speak to the midwife and apparently it shouldn’t make too much of a difference, the labour hormones overtake everything. And yeah, she did say to not wait around with going to hospital as second ones are usually a lot faster (then again, I know two people who had natural first births and ended up with emergency sections second time, so it doesn’t always go that way I guess!)

  • Jessica 2 June 2015, 6:29 pm

    Oh, poor Franca! Of course you are allowed to complain, you are having a pretty hard time! The difference in your current situation from your usual habits makes it all the more difficult. I hope you find more ways to rest a little more in the last few weeks, and do try not to be so hard on yourself, you are doing well and your current suffering is perfectly valid and genuine.

  • karen 2 June 2015, 8:34 pm

    oooh, that sounds like utter agony! i feel for you, and i hope you feel massive relief from that pain soon. i suppose that’s one bright side of labour – once babe is out, your pelvis can start getting back in order 🙂
    i haven’t read through all the comments, so perhaps someone has suggested this already, but i wonder if some acupuncture could help manage some of the pain? good luck – i wish you comfort and relief 🙂

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 7:50 pm

      Yes, that’s the one positive, it will go away and there’s no suggestion that I could do myself permanant damage!

  • Libby 3 June 2015, 3:59 pm

    I hope you feel much better soon, lovely. And I think it’s really good to share your experiences and feelings on this – I’m going back to uni to study midwifery in September, and I was entirely oblivious of this constant level of pain, and it’s a huge eye-opener. X

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 7:49 pm

      Thanks for your comment! It affects something like 10% of pregnant women, apparently. I didn’t have it with Milo, but I wonder if I actually had the beginnings of it just this time round I made it worse with all the crouching down and lifting and stuff.

  • Jen 5 June 2015, 1:22 pm

    oh I feel for you, I was in the same position last year. I felt like a beached whale and so useless. All those hormones working on your system don’t help your mood either. It’s really difficult growing a human and it’s easy to lose yourself a bit in amongst all the pregnancy stuff. My second labour was amazing and d was a big baba, my fist was horrible!, but labour will pass and you’ll be amazing!
    Try rest and enjoy and peace and quite you can get, whenever I started getting panicked I did a mindfulness excericse. I down loaded the app, the pregnancy ones freaked me out, but the generic mindfulness app used to help me rest and keep calm in hospital too.

    • Franca 6 June 2015, 7:42 pm

      Thanks for your message! I actually feel a bit better already having finished work. I am still in pain but I’m more relaxed about it. I think finishing everything off at work was stressing me out more than I realised.