Right so, I wasn’t sure if I should write this post cos it’s essentially just a giant moan and who needs that, but on the other hand, it’s a bit weird to keep posting these pictures of me wearing nice clothes and smiling (and seriously, how organised am I to take a picture for every pregnancy week? I’m sure I didn’t manage this last time, but then I was blogging more about other things which I don’t have the time for now. Anyway, back to the sentence) without mentioning that I mostly feel like utter crap. I really do.
It’s so bizarre, over the last few months (less so last few weeks) so many people have told me how good and healthy I look. The word ‘glowing’ was bandied about with alarming regularity. I know everyone says that to pregnant women, but it has been happening a lot, much more than last time. And it’s sort of true as well, or at least my hair looks better than it has done in ages. But at the same time I have been so uncomfortable for such a long time and it’s getting worse and worse to the point where for the last month and a half I’ve been in constant low level pain (the high level pain is still temporary, thank goodness) and am pretty much immobile now. I get leg cramps a lot, and heartburn, but the main thing is the pelvic girdle pain, which isn’t like any pain I’ve ever had before and is pretty difficult to understand unless you’ve had it yourself, I think. And then this weekend I got a cold and ended up feeling really flu like and weak on top of it, which was fantastic of course.
If it was just me I would just lie in bed all day but of course it isn’t. And poor Milo doesn’t totally understand why I can’t run after him any more, or pick him up for any length of time, or crouch down (although he does seem to more now compared to a couple of months ago). Of course I do still do these things occassionally, because sometimes it’s that or end up with a wailing child, but I really shouldn’t and always end up paying for it with lots of pain. The other day I was late for an appointment and ran a short distance for the bus and a few hours later I could literally not move. Dave has actually been taking half days on Fridays (the day I have Milo on my own) these last couple of weeks, so I can lie down. I hate being the rubbish parent though, the one that can’t do anything. I’ve generally been alright at dealing with tantrums (I think) but am finding it increasingly hard to keep my cool and not raise my voice. A few times I have ended up sitting on the bathroom floor in tears after Milo refused to get dressed or whatever and I was in so much pain from running after him and picking him up and crouching down. Which I think is completely bewildering for him.
I am well aware I should stop complaining because people have much worse pregnancies with much more serious health problems than pain that ultimately doesn’t do any harm. I guess I’ve just been spoilt by having been healthy and fit and able to move as much as I wanted before. My new state certainly makes me appreciate the difficulties faced by people with chronic pain conditions. Because that balance between keeping active to not let things deteriorate and not overdoing it is really bloody difficult to get right. I’m pretty sure I’ve gone from too active (we had a step challenge at work and I did 830,000 steps in 8 weeks, which is a lot, considering the state I’ve been in) to too sedentary (since that step challenge finished, I’ve taken off my fitbit and have started driving at any opportunity). The only saving grace to all of this is that at least I am actually near the end now, so hopefully I’ll manage to maintain some level of stamina for the birth. Because of course I am slightly freaking out about the birth now. I had a pretty short and straightforward labour with Milo so I haven’t been too worried about it, because second labours are generally faster, but this baby is clearly a lot bigger and I can’t crouch or lift my legs or anything, so how is that gonna work?
So yeah, not sure where I was going with this, so I’ll just leave it here. I just thought I should mention it in the interest of real life blah blah blah
Random photo from the sewing day at the stitchery